Wednesday, 6 June 2012

To Victim or NOT to Victim... That is the question.

I used to tell my daughter that sometimes life is unfair.....

I don't say those words anymore...  I've realized that no contracts have been made.  By that, I mean; when we are born there is never any promise made that there would be more good than bad.   

I'm not sure about you but Personally.. I can't find any documentation that states: "Person,  if anything bad ever happens to you, you must feel  a colossal degree of dissatisfaction and angst and immediately find someone to hold responsible..... as this goes against the promissory note you were given at birth dumb  dumb!!!!!"

No one ever said that in this lifetime we will live without any heartache. We have become fools to think that we should.

The only concrete thing that is known, the day we join the league of humanity is that;  we have one single  chance to fully embrace this experience of life.

That is how being alive is unequivocally fair.  

To fully experience what it means to be alive we must have it all!  The moments of joy, the hurting things, the things that crush us and that lift us up.  We must witness the light and dark parts of humanity. We might also be preyed upon; as are most living creatures.

If we fail to understand this, we are missing the point.  Many of us will live and die having missed the point.

When we don't embrace this fact, (the fact that no one promised you a life of pure pleasure) is when we become victimized. 
To me, being a victim is like saying you want to die (metaphorically speaking). It's you..deploring how your life has been presented to you and lamenting how the choices you have made, make it so that you cannot cope.

It's not difficult to become a victim. All you have to do is say; "why me?" or blame somebody else or feel like you've somehow been shortchanged or numb yourself out to all of your feelings, hide behind a drug, avoid agony, spend your life trying to go back and revisit all of the hurtful things you've experienced.

If only you could wake up everyday and give thanks for life and I mean ALL of it. "Thank you for the beauty of it all, thank you for the pain I receive, thank you for allowing me to make this journey".  To dissolve the illusion that pain is not a perfectly acceptable part of life is to open up your soul to the bounty you have received. 

There are choices.

We could treat every arduous moment in life like the crack of a whip, enslaving us and bleeding us out.


We could treat every arduous moment in life like an opportunity for evolution....
As all creatures evolve only because things get tough.  

Saturday, 2 June 2012

The woman people pray for

On Wednesday May 30, 9:10pm a body was shattered....

Thats how it started; as Aaron Paquette intimated about his wife Clarice and the life threatening accident she was involved in that day. An incident that left her body crushed and her loved ones stricken.   I haven't met Aaron; although I know Clarice, we are friends from back before careers, husbands and children. From times of nights out, sunday brunches and girls hiking weekends.

In fact, I haven't seen Clarice in years. Our relationship has been a voyeuristic one, as I've peered into her life through Facebook; watching the evolution of her relationship with Aaron. Laughing as he frequently hacked her Facebook account to write endearing status updates about himself. Looking at photos of their wedding, thinking to myself what a perfect match they made and how she looks the exact same as she did back then. Then the birth of a beautiful son; Liam and how their little family was so lovely.  

My Facebook voyeurism took a darker turn Thursday morning as a mutual friend texted me to inform me that Clarice had been involved in accident. I went to my computer and stared at the screen in shock, my stomach tightening as I observed the image Aaron had shared, along with his eloquent testimonial of their family's heart-wrenching experience. He asked  us to share it so others could learn from it..... and then it began... the onslaught of messages, the prayers, the words.  People from all over the world sending their love and hope and feeling just as I did about all of it.

I'm sharing this now, because I don't know what else to do.  I can write; so I will... and let you get closer (by a fraction) to the woman people have been praying for. There are people out there who could give you more, but this is all I have.

As I know her; Clarice is vibrant, she has a wide, radiant smile and is naturally very funny. She is a strong runner and has a killer set of legs. She loves to read. She is a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, bride and friend.  She has a wonderful family that she is very close to and I can't imagine how their hearts have been breaking.  She is tough, brave, would stand up for anyone she cared for, even if all she had as a weapon was a shoe (inside joke) and she was usually late for things.. haha. 
I'm sure from the point we left off she has evolved into an amazing woman, mother, wife and teacher.  It seems to me she has found an amazing partner in Aaron who has proven through his messages; how loving, brave and empathic he is. I was astounded as I read through some of the postings people had contributed to his page to find what I thought to be, a somewhat judgmental and hurtful message thread.   I was then quickly humbled by his remarkable response; thanking the author for presenting a different opinion.  Proving; along with all of his other compassionate messages that his soul is that of a truly dignified man.

My heart goes out to all involved in this incident in some way; including Clarice's friend who witnessed this traumatizing event. As well as the drivers (who will have their own personal anguishes to contend with) it could have been any of us on a day that we fail to be vigilant. To the witnesses and of course to all friends and family.

With Love

Here is a link to Aarons Facebook page where you can read the whole story and be part of this astounding experience.  
On Wednesday May 30, 9:10pm a body was shattered.

The family has also set up a donation page. (click the link below to see this lovely family and donate)
If you read more you will understand why this is necessary. Please help if you can and if you can't caring, sharing and praying is plenty!

Clarice Cardinal Anderson  Second from left

Clarice, second from left.

Thursday, 31 May 2012

When reminders have to be tragic.

Life Is guaranteed to be both joyful and tragic. It's not unfair, it's just the way of existence and it has always been that way. This is how we are reminded not to take it for granted.
There are a million tragedies going on around the world at this very moment, playing themselves out in big or small ways in human lives across the globe.

But Nothing feels more astounding than an event that ripples through the lives of the people you know by name and face and heart. A loss, a terrible incident, a shift in what was thought to be their world.
At that moment your mind and soul goes to them and their loved ones hoping that whatever it is that you are sending can somehow reach them and help make it all be better.

If its happening to you and it's happening to your heart and all those thoughts and prayers are because something big is changing in your world; then it's the moment you are put to the test. You are called upon by the universe to step up, hold on to hope and be the bravest you can be while your heart takes a beating. You will surprise yourself at how unexpectedly you react and how intensely you can feel emotions.

I am always astounded to see how amazing people can be at these times. Terrifying events have the power to bring people together and remind us that even though we are separate, we can become a community again. In the face of adversity; hearts reach out. We are reminded of how fragile life can really be and how strong the human spirit is in comparison to the shell that holds us.
I love to see how brave people really are when they are put to the test. It gives me faith in humanity again; in a world that seems to be so incredibly confounding at times.

Don't forget that you are part of something big. Whether you are just an observer or you are chin deep in a struggle to stay strong. Life has a way of making us feel acutely aware of its significance. Even if it means you have to be a witness to how easily it can slip away.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

I am not as dumb as you think I look

What's your intelligence?  Have you ever thought about this?    I know anyone can take an IQ test and walk away with a number that defines how smart they are in a general sense but sometimes I am surprised to meet someone who has a hidden intellect and I am so pleased to see how very bright they can be, in their own way.
Personally, I feel true intelligence is immeasurable.

What about emotional intelligence, the ability to empathise with others, to give affection in a secure way, to receive love and feel deserving.  Some of us are so emotionally intelligent that we can feel when someone is upset, or insincere or angry without hearing a word from their mouths, we can give love without jealousy. Part of emotional intellect is to understand and identify our own feelings. Something they don't teach in school and I wish they would.  It would save many of us from our unhealthy defence mechanisms and passive aggression.

What about physical intelligence, how well do you know your body? Do you listen to what it tells you about how stressed you are, when your shoulders are burning and you head aches? Do you feel how needy and hungry and lonely you are? Hunger can be directly related to a type of  loneliness or emotional hurt; that we refuse to admit. When you have chronic pain it's frequently because your body needs to do more, not less. When you are physically intelligent you know what your body needs and when its telling you to slow down or speed up.

Wouldn't it be a good idea to look at ourselves and see how we have developed our own forms of intellect?  Maybe you haven't always been the most articulate of people but the thoughts in your head are so much more than you can comfortably express to anyone.  You have a shy intelligence that I'm certain anyone around you would be privileged to observe

Maybe your intelligence lies in something creative, in your visions, maybe your hands are smart in what they create and the intensity in which you perform your labours, are a direct reference to how very intense you are as a person.

Maybe you have spiritual intelligence, you are in touch with the universe, you're comfortable with creation and you  have a sound relationship with your God whatever it may be.

We can always wish to have more intelligence, to be brighter and better at something, but in doing this we are often being dumb.  I'm not denying the importance of acquiring knowledge. I'm saying there are forms of intellect which you may already posses and don't give credit to. Take a good look at yourself and see where you might be a brainiac in your own way.
You may have important attributes that you know you posses and are vitally important to who your are as an individual.
Now I may not be the smartest cookie in the jar (mmm....I  love cookies), but I would like to propose a better measure of the types of intelligence I think are important and the resulting score would become technically known as the  "awesomness" quotient


Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Boring old Saint Valentine Who ?????

There is an hour and 50 minutes left to Valentines day and I sit here imagining what others are doing at this very moment. Some sharing times with their sweethearts, snuggling up in bed, gently moving a strand of hair off the forehead of the one they love, before fastening a smooch onto them.  Some making the kids' lunches, getting ready to call it a day, others mindlessly shoveling an entire container of rocky road ice cream into their un-kissed mouths, wondering when it will be their turn to be a Valentine.  I can also imagine the vast variety of emotional responses going on regarding this day from apathy, to loneliness, to dissatisfaction and annoyance, to joy, warmth, love and gratitude.

What is it about this day that gets us going?  On second thought What is this day...period?

Historically, there is not much romance to Mr Saint Valentine.  According to Christian documentation there where two "Valentinus" who were martyrd. Neither of them had anything at all to do with romantic love.  No grandios act of romantic ideology, no throwing themselves at the feet of some pious Pope to save a romantic institution and certainly no secret delivering of cutesy notes between lovers.  However, every Saint gets his day and in 496AD,  Pope Gelasius established February 14th as Saint Valentines day!  February 14th would actually not be associated with romantic love until 886 years later; when Chaucer wrote about birds choosing their mates on Saint Valentines day and somehow it evolved from there..... ~duh obviously~......  630 years later this day no longer even exists on the General Roman Calendar of Saints at all!! 
This makes no difference to the general population anyway, as people of all or no religious denominations around the world open up their wallets to bestow gifts and greetings upon their loved ones.  I myself, felt slightly embittered after paying $7.00 for a card  for an 8 year old today.  Original Valentines were handwritten notes and poems..... now isn't that a novel idea??  A note that is actually written... by hand!!!.  Would anyone ever be satisfied with that gesture?.. not many.. if any.
One thing I hear a great deal of,  is how people shouldn't need a day to express their love.. and I agree, no they shouldn't but the vast majority of people do need a day, and a reason and what better day to do it than a day that is actually based on nothing that is any longer relevant to the average lovebug??   
All kidding aside; I do still get a kick out of this day, it does makes me feel warm and fuzzy that people are walking around with just a little more love to give than usual. I do wish everyday could be a Valentines day (minus the expansive retail black hole of overpriced paper, candies and trinkets for starry-eyed chumps like myself to get sucked into)

Now that this day is over what happens to all that extra loving??? Why not give a little love, especially if you are not getting any love. Because getting it and giving it are both unequivocally  part of the act of loving. 
Everyone knows that  we don't need a day for that...but it sure is fun to have one!


thanks wikipedia for the facts

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Baking With Momma

Have you ever baked with your mother? or cooked? or picked berries? There are still some things that transcend modern feminist attitudes about the female role in the home and for me doing these things with your mom is one of them.
I feel maybe there is an anthropological aspect to the good feeling ones gets by honing domestic skills in the presence of the matriarch or even a close female friend.   I can't help but consider the original societal roles of women as providers of sustenance for their clans. Women worked cooperatively,  skills were passed down generationally and maybe because of this age old practice it feels right, natural and therapeutic to do things in the kitchen with my mom. I feel today; this can still be an essential aspect of good relations between women.  Just look at how we love to get together around food and hobbies.  I feel there is a feminine power in this type of union.  We can be so lonely at times, maybe the extinction of our cooperative system of living is partly to blame.

From certain points of view, the idea of the woman in this domestic role can seem oppressive and I agree; if this is the only place she is allowed to contribute. However, that is simply not the case today. All is possible for the modern woman, we can do and be anything but there is still the creative urge that springs from us that is an essential aspect of being a woman and it can manifest itself in many ways.  Have you embraced your creativity? maybe you feel uninspired, unsexy, unwomanly?  There are so many ways to tap into your female energy, move your hips, dance, sing, create, give, be with women, breath, find an outlet and I guarantee you will feel more complete and empowered.

For myself this will remain a great way to bond with my mom, even with the moments when tears are shed into the flour and the dough is too sticky.  Nothing is better than food prepared with heart and soul in the company of the woman who carried you here or those who carry you now.


Getting "Lucky"

So, we've acquired a canine companion. A furry, frenzied little beast weighing all of 2lbs.  His sweet, brindled fuzziness has been a wonderful addition to our household and we have both adjusted well to his arrival.  When I speak of us; I refer to my daughter and I. I have an eight year old child with long silky brown hair and large liquid brown eyes, rimmed with a thick set of black lashes. She is creative, articulate, loving and vibrant and has proven to be one of the greatest blessings of my life.

It's been just the two of us and now with our new mini-pal; which my daughter has christened "Lucky" ("Hazelnut" was a close second)..  that makes three!  I got Lucky on Friday the 13th and so far he has not displayed too many "Jason" like qualities (besides the enthusiastic chewing of his pet sock monkeys arms).

Historically speaking I've  never been a dog person . I grew up on a farm and our canine companions were as permanent as weather. We never grew very attached; as dogs had a very specific position on the superiority chain of living creatures. Humans being at the top and most animals all residing in the remote baseline. A pet could easily "disappear" if my father felt burdened by its bad behavior or its presence in general or it became a nuisance or a danger respectively, this included even the slightest hint of impending vet bills.  So, needless to say; compassion for animals is not generally affordable on a farm and subsequently was not cultivated as one of my defining characteristics. Except for cats, I have always loved cats with their playful coolness and independence but (for the most part) I've always been able to keep a very logical perspective on the placement of pets in the human world.  In fact I had a very difficult time understanding how people could become blathering idiots over their canines, gushing and fussing as thought they were human toddlers.

...Until I got Lucky.. I'm certain I repulse him with the constant smatterings of  kisses I bestow upon his tiny nose and I'm sure I am bound to annoy someone out there with my running dialog of "puppy dids"
I can now see how the love of a pet changes a person and suddenly pets are taking the lead in where things fit in my human world. As for the sleepy, over snuggled, Lucky pup; I'm certain he's still trying to figure where his lumbering, loud,  goofy humans fit into his world.

Oh I really, really, reaaallly hope he likes us!!!!!



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